I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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