I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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