he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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