dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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