It's like God shit irony all over that family
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
