I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
