Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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