I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
