if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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