In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
