I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize