I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
