Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
