Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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