There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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