if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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