i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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