"it" just moved
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
