And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
