Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
