I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
there is glitter all over my balls
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
