You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
