I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she pinky promised me she was 18
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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