Don't make out with my wife yet
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
