Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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