At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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