so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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