holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
