Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
