mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
