alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
