You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
