I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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