The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize