i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
