hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
