Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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