How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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