i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
