It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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