She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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