but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
