why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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