I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
