My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
