and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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