there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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