hotel room ftw
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
