dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
