whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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I will be naked everywhere
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize