in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
