I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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