the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
