Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
