I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my poor anus
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
