My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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