Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
