i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
