i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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