She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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