oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ttyl tear gas
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
