Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
